Dear Mama,
If you’ve ever snapped, cried, or shut down after your child pushed your buttons—you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not a bad parent. You’re human. And you care deeply. That’s why it hurts.
But please hear this:
Your child’s behaviour is not a reflection of your failure. It’s often a mirror—showing your unmet needs, past wounds, or deep-rooted fears.
Why You Get Triggered
That eye roll, tantrum, or ignored request stirs something inside. Maybe it reminds you of a time when your voice was silenced. Maybe it pokes at the guilt of not being “enough.” Maybe it whispers, “You’re failing.”
But that’s not the truth—it’s a wound asking to be seen.
A Real Mom’s Story
One mother told me through tears:
“I feel like I’ve failed him. I question everything.”
Her son was acting out—lying, yelling, getting into trouble—and she responded with yelling and cold silence. Not because she didn’t care, but because she cared so much and didn’t know how to hold the weight of it.
Together, we uncovered her childhood: always trying to prove she was enough, punished for big feelings. Her son’s behaviour wasn’t her failure—it was her invitation to heal.
Guilt vs. Responsibility
Guilt says: “I am bad.”
Responsibility asks: “What can I learn from this?”
When we parent from guilt, we swing—overcompensating or pulling away. But when we lead from self-awareness, we begin to respond with love.
When You’re Triggered, Try This:
1. Pause. Breathe. Name it.
“I’m feeling triggered. This isn’t about just the socks on the floor.”
2. Drop the judgment.
You’re allowed to be imperfect. What matters is repair and reflection.
3. Validate your own emotions.
“I feel overwhelmed. I feel unappreciated. I feel like I’m failing.” These are real and valid.
4. Reparent yourself gently.
What would you have needed as a child when you felt disregarded, unloved, or invisible? Offer yourself that now.
5. Repair with your child.
“I got upset earlier. That wasn’t okay, and I’m working on it. I want us to feel safe with each other.”
You’re Raising a Child—And Yourself
Parenting triggers unhealed parts of us. But that’s not failure—it’s an invitation. To grow. To soften. To connect.
So next time you’re triggered, ask:
“What is this teaching me about me?”
You are not your reaction.
You are not guilty.
You are a work in progress.
Doing sacred, brave work.
Give yourself the same compassion you give your child.
With love,
A fellow mama who’s learning too❤️
So the real question is — what in you needs care in this moment?
