I See You, I Hear You” – A Heartfelt Conversation with My Son About Overwhelm & Expectations 💙
“Mom, I feel like I’m drowning.”
I looked up from my laptop, my heart sinking a little. My 19-year-old stood at the doorway, shoulders tense, eyes darting between me and the floor. I closed my laptop. This moment matters.
“Come sit with me, and let’s talk” I said, patting the couch beside me. What is bothering you, I asked ?
“I don’t know… it’s everything. School, expectations, people asking what I want to do with my life. I feel like I have to be perfect at everything. And… I don’t even know if I can keep up.”
I felt the urge to jump in—to reassure him that he’s brilliant, capable, and enough just as he is. But I stopped myself. This wasn’t about fixing. This was about listening.
Holding Space Instead of Fixing
“That sounds really heavy,” I said softly.
He nodded.
“Do you feel like the pressure comes more from yourself or from others?”
“Both. I want to do well, but also… I feel like I have to. Everyone seems to have their life figured out, and I don’t.”
I wanted to tell him that no one has it all figured out—not even most adults. But instead, I let the silence sit.
“What part of it feels the hardest?” I asked.
“I don’t know where to start. I feel like if I don’t do everything perfectly, I’ll fail.”
I reached for his hand.
“I get that. But what if it wasn’t about perfection? What if it was about figuring out what truly matters to you, one step at a time?”
He sighed. “I don’t even know what truly matters to me.”
“That’s okay,” I reassured him. “Maybe we start there—exploring, not pressuring. Would it help to talk about what excites you, rather than what you think you ‘should’ do?”
For the first time since he sat down, he looked at me. “Maybe.”
Asking, Not Assuming
“Can I ask you something?” I continued.
He nodded.
“When I try to help, does it sometimes feel like I’m adding to the pressure?”
He hesitated, then exhaled. “Sometimes… yeah.”
I felt a pang in my chest, but I reminded myself—this isn’t about me.
“I don’t want to do that,” I said sincerely. “I want to be a safe place for you, not another source of stress.”
He smiled faintly. “I know. You just… sometimes ask too many questions at once.”
I laughed. “Guilty.” 😆
He laughed too. And just like that, the tension eased.
The Power of Simply Listening 👂
So often, as parents, we want to fix, guide, or reassure. But sometimes, what our children really need is for us to just see them, hear them, and hold space without judgment.
Because the greatest gift we can give them isn’t advice or solutions—it’s reminding them that they don’t have to carry it all alone. ❤️
Have you ever had a conversation like this with your teen?
How do you navigate these moments?
Let’s share and learn from each other.👇💬
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